Life inside the box can work for some people. There are people that need the structure to make them comfortable and keep them on track. Some folks just cannot function without certain constraints. They need rules to follow. I think I just summed up what I was going to write. They need to follow, not lead. It keeps them from having to act on any thing they might actually think. It is all right to think about things; but having to act upon these things would mean they might have to change things in thier life or life style. Change can be very upsetting to a lot of people.

I grew up inside the box. There were certain ways to do certain things. And you did not question why. To question why made one think. I aways wondered why. I have a deep need to be able to make sense of why things are the way they are. Some times the answers were just not addressed. The response often was;" because that is just the way it is".

The funny thing now is that I see how along the way, so many of the rules have changed. I guess it is a kind of evolution. Some times I think that those involved do not even realize that the rules have changed. What was not right then, is right now. Maybe with some twists, you know, it depends on the situation and also who is involved. What is right or wrong for one person may not be for another. I don't even know where the boundaries are any more!

Let me give you a simple example. When I was young there were rules about the right and wrong kind of clothes to wear. It was not acceptable to wear jewlry, make up, fingernail polish, for women to have short hair; the list goes on and on. Now, the only thing that really matters is to be modest in your dress. In other words, don't exspose to much skin. I used to get ready to go back to the area I grew up in by taking out earings, removing nail polish, and making sure I didn't have on any makeup. Then I would pack clothing with what I was sure wouldn't offend any one. Now when I go back there, I pretty much go as I would here at home and there are no worries. I think they have pretty much just acctepted the idea that I am different from them. Of course I know that I am well prayed for at the same time!

One of the other corners of the box is about one's spiritual/religious life. To be a true Christian, one must belong to a Church. Not just belong, but to be seriously involved. That would be at least one service on Sunday, and probably at least one function during the week. This keeps one's soul firmly rooted. You have others that can keep you guided on the right path, and in turn you can help guide them. They call it accountability. If you are not involved, you are probably not going the right way. Of course this right way I am talking about will vary from Church to Church. I have found that there is quite the difference from one organization to other. And there you have it. Organization. Usually in a building that is itentified as a Church building. And with in the walls of this building, there is a group of people that make the decisions and tell th erest what they should do and how to live thier lives. They tell them what is a sin and what is the Christian way to live. So, if I don't do what they say, or live they way they have out lined, then my way of life becomes questionable.

Well, I have to say that I find this quite confining. I think it is the way a caged animal must feel. My entire being screems out. My soul feels like it wants to burst and expand. That there is some thing out there that I am not getting to experience. My life and my spirituality is my own responsibility. And I believe, it should be far more private.

I guess that until I actually left my childhood home, I did not even realize that I had been living in the box. I often wondered what was out there in the world. I really thought it to be a very dangerous place. The temptations would be more than a person could stand. But how do you know what you can stand against and for if you don't go out and live? How do you know what you are truely made of? And in the quest for these answers, find out who you really are. I didn't want to be just like the other sheep, blindly grouping together with the others against the coming of the big bad wolf; but to be who I was made to be.

So, straining against the edges, breaking free through a tear in the corner, I find myself outside the box. Living large, exploring the world. Living the way I feel my heart is called to live.